do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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