maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
