with your own penis?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
