Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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