That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
