Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize