we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
