shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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