I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
