is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
