I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
