Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
