I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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