How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
