Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
