Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
