I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
