Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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