I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
