Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
home. puking in laundry basket.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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