whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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