The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
