My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
