Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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