rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
