i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
