Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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