Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
