Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
