watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
