So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
