Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
