Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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