nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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