Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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