You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
