I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
