I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
