Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
pray to the hookup gods
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
