well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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