i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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