glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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