you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
