the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
