1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
