Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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