The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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