ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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