I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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