If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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