i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
