youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
