Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize