The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
