dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize