Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize