I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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