oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
