we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
