I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize