we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
