We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
