happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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