but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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